It's Official: Rectum Is A Funny Word.
Hello, internet! I have a short story for you. It's scientifically-proven to be funny, and I want you to guess why.
I was late to work this morning because my rectum broke down. It must have blown a gasket or something because there was oil all over the road. I had to get it towed and everything. Now it looks like I won't have it back until Thursday, so in the meantime my insurance got me a crappy rental.
Funny story, right? Of course it was! But what made it so funny? Renting things isn't very funny, and neither is it when normally reliable things fail to function and make you late to work. I've never laughed at a tow truck, and there's nothing particularly chuckle-worthy about Thursday morning. And we all know dealing with insurance companies is the exact opposite of funny. So why is it that you're still laughing? It's ok. I know you are.
Was it... perhaps... the rectum? Was it the rectum that was funny? A simple component of the digestive tract of many living things on this planet, human and otherwise? Are rectums funny?
Well, if your guess was the rectum, congratulations you weirdo! The science is in: rectums are as hilarious as they are necessary.
Don't believe me and modern science? No problem! Try this valuable thought experiment: replace the word, 'rectum' in the previous story with something more typical, like 'car' , 'alarm clock' , 'spouse' or even 'lawnmower'. Not quite as funny , is it? Now laugh at your poor, broken rectum while you hope your rental has low mileage and not too many previous owners.
That's right, readers that are still there! It's time to get over yourself! Sure, it's vile, crass, and moderately offensive. But science says it's funny, so you have no choice but to believe it before Neil DeGrasse Tyson side-eyes you into cognitive submission. Trust me, he's good at it.
Still not convinced despite the example above? Here are a few common sentences written in plain english. Feel free to change any noun within to 'rectum' and try not to crack a smile.
-Please pass the salt.
-Honey, have you seen my wallet?
-I have but one life to give to my country.
-The Lord is my shephard; I shall not want.
-A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
-Too many cooks spoil the pot
-The problem with the world is that everyone does not have a brain, but everyone does have a tongue.
If you didn't laugh once, you don't have a sense of humor. Neil DeGrasse Tyson says so.
Rectum.
