Hillary Clinton's Face Falls Off During Fundraiser

United States politics took a turn for the even weirder last night as former secretary of state Hillary Clinton's face fell off and landed in her lobster bisque during a fundraiser for the Democratic National Committee. There were no comments, and there is currently no clear indicator that it negatively affected the DNC's funding goals.

"She was just talking about her daughter and then her face fell off!" exclaimed one witness who commented on the condition of anonymity for fear of retaliation by murder, "The worst part was that she continued to talk like nothing happened! What a horrible thing to do to bisque!"

While spectators and invitees looked on in horror, Mrs. Clinton continued to eat her soup without any notice whatsoever. Former president Bill Clinton, her husband, appeared to not even notice the splash of hot liquid that happened to his immediate left. All the while, a strangely apathetic team of secret service agents desperately attempted to reattach her face with a combination of carpentry nails, screws, epoxy, and satanic rituals. None seemed to be very effective.

We immediately sent one reporter to question the DNC regarding this bizarre incident, but he was unable to report on his findings due to being found murdered a half-hour later in a nearby alley. There is currently no suspicion of wrongdoing on anyone's part. The murder will not be investigated and his family have officially been told to go fuck themselves.

There is currently no indicator of when Mrs. Clinton will next make a public appearance, but it is assumed her face will be correctly attached before that point.